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Archive for the category “Crazy Love”

God Is Close to the Brokenhearted


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This morning as I was driving in my car I had Jesus Culture playing. I usually have some worship album playing in the morning to set the tone for the day. And Jesus Culture is one of my favorite worship bands. The song playing as I drove was “Heaven is Here,” and the words seemed to just be a bit louder this morning. They seemed to stick a bit more than any of the other times I have listened to this song.

Here are the lyrics:

We won’t stop crying out to Him
Cause He hears us everytime
Yeah He hears us everytime

We won’t stop pouring out our love to Him
Cause He loves us everytime
Yeah He loves us everytime

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you

We won’t stop going out to Him
Cause He meets us everytime
Yeah He meets us everytime

We won’t stop living only for Him
Cause He’s faithful everytime
Yeah He’s faithful everytime

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to God
Shake up eternal signs

Cause heaven is hear now
He’s all around us
Heaven is Jesus
It’s the moment we meet

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you 

These words really were echoing in my head, “We won’t stop crying out to Him cause He hears us every time…We won’t stop pouring out our love for Him, cause He loves us every time…We won’t stop going out to Him, cause He meets us every time…We won’t stop living only for Him, cause He’s faithful every time.”

This morning my heart was breaking, as it is another month of not being pregnant (if you haven’t followed my journey up till now, check out my past posts in regards to infertility and my faith). Another month of feeling defeated and crushed. Another month of feeling as if the enemy was doing a victory dance on top of my head and laughing the whole time, as I sobbed on the inside and then began sobbing on the outside.

BUT GOD. God knew all of this even before I woke this morning. He knew how my heart would break. He knew the defeat I would feel. He knew the lies the enemy would feed me. And He knew He would be there for me no matter how crushed I was. And He chose to speak to me through a song. He chose to remind me of His faithfulness, His love, His strength, and His hope. He wrapped His arms around me as my mind began whirling in a hundred different directions. As the questions began coming like a freight train. As insecurity and doubt began creeping in. As the enemy began throwing his fiery darts at me, my God became my shield and my fortress and my comfort. As He ALWAYS is.

Once the song ended and another song began to play, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Choose joy.” I sat in my car and began saying that to myself…”Choose joy, Jaclyn. Choose joy.” I firmly believe that one of the enemy’s biggest weapons against us is our own feelings. He was trying his best to get me to sink into a dark place this morning, and just like the faithful Father that He is, God showed up and began speaking life into me.

Am I still brokenhearted that I have no celebratory news of a little Turner this month? Yes, but I know that my God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). So I can keep crying out to Him, because I know He DOES hear me every time. I can continue pouring out my love for Him, because He DOES love me every time. I can go out to Him, because He WILL meet me every time. And I can continue living only for Him, because He is FOREVER faithful. The enemy is a liar. My God is my everything, and I will praise Him despite my feelings. I will praise Him even if I have questions. I will praise Him simply because He is The Great I Am, and I know He loves me more than I can ever fully understand.

My friend, I have no idea what you may be experiencing or what lies the enemy might be telling you, but what I do know that God will never fail you. He will always be there for you, and He will always be your shield. Drive into Him even if you don’t understand. Drive into Him even if you can’t feel Him. Drive into Him even if you can’t see Him. He is there. I promise you that.

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Faith in the Raw


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T
his quote sums it up almost perfectly for me. No matter how many times I have told myself, “I will just give up. This is too hard,” I can’t throw in the towel. My desire to have a baby with my husband isn’t a desire like walking into Kohl’s and seeing that beautiful Vera Wang handbag that I would love to have. It’s a desire that goes much deeper, and one that can’t fully be expressed in words. So, here I am. Another month. Another cycle. Part of me wants to throw in the towel and just say, “Screw it!” The other part of me says, “You can’t give up. You want this child. Have faith.” 

Faith. You would think that as a Pastor’s Wife and Christian I wouldn’t struggle with faith, right? Wrong. I struggle with having faith just like anyone else struggles with it. There are times when I have incredible faith, and then there are times when it is difficult to even have the faith the size of a mustard seed. Today is one of those days. It’s been over 3 years and nothing has changed. I have no answers as to why my body isn’t conceiving our desired child. No magic tricks to share that got us success. No babies to even speak of. Just the same charted cycle month after month after month. The same “negative” pregnancy tests. The same ovulation predictor kits letting me know that there is nothing wrong in that department. Just the same. 

This morning I read from Hebrews 11, and verse 11 struck me. 

“Because of faith also Sarah herself received physical power to conceive a child, even when she was long past the age for it, because she considered [God] Who had given her the promise to be reliable and trustworthy and true to His word.” Hebrews 11:11, Amplified Bible

 

It is sort of obvious as to why this verse would stick out to me, right? I know. And then again this verse also had me telling God, “Please Lord, please don’t let me have to wait till I am as old as Sarah before I receive my child of promise.” Seriously, this is a concern of mine. I have shared it on numerous occasions with my husband. I want that “physical power” that Sarah received. I want her faith. But wait, didn’t she laugh first? Didn’t she think it to be a joke? Yes, she did. So, then where was her faith? Maybe it was in the fact that in the back of her mind she continued to cling to her desire, and when God shared that she and Abraham would have their child of promise she clung even tighter to that desire and hope. She may have been laughing on the outside, but maybe in the depths of her soul she was shouting, “Yes, Lord! Yes! I believe it! I receive it!” Maybe. Just maybe. 

I can share from my own experience that even though my husband and I have three children between us, the desire to have a child together is strong. Our desire to have this precious child doesn’t mean that we don’t love the three children we have now. Our child of promise is wanted. It is already loved. It is prayed for. My soul yearns for this precious child. My heart longs for Ada and/or Liam (maybe the Lord will choose to bless us with just one, or maybe He will bless us with both). 

So even though part of me is screaming, “Screw this! I am done! I have had enough of this emotional roller coaster. I am sick of the same crap every month. I am tired of seeing pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, gender reveals, and the likes plastered all over my social networks, all while I am over hearing dying inside. I have had enough of it!,” I can’t ignore the other part of me. The other part that whispers, “Don’t give up Jaclyn. It’s not a lost cause. Your pain will turn into joy soon.” And it might sound weird and crazy to some of you, but even though there are times when I am so mad at God and want to scream at Him over this pain, He is where I find the greatest comfort. I can do nothing apart from Him. I am afraid of the dark pit I might find myself in if I let go of Him for even one second. So I cling tighter to Him. I rest in Him. I bury my sobbing heart in Him. And I allow Him to hold me while I break into a million pieces. And He lets me. There is no other place that makes sense for me to be than in His arms. It is the only place that makes sense. 

I will continue to press on in faith even on the days where my faith isn’t even the size of a mustard seed. Why? Because I know my God is greater than any pain I might have. He is bigger than any doubt. He is more powerful than any disappointment and discouragement I might face. He is my God who loves and adores me no matter what. He is making a way even if I can’t see it. And He is forever faithful. The enemy will not have the victory because I am the precious daughter of the Most High God, and in Him is where I find my strength, hope, and faith. 

Stamp of Approval


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We all want a “stamp of approval” on our lives. I mean nobody likes to be told that how they behave, how they parent, how they treat others, how they live their lives, and anything else that involves their decisions is well, let’s just say not up to par. I will admit that I don’t like being told that some of my decisions and choices aren’t always the best, and sometimes I have issues with authority (oops, how did that skeleton get out the closet). But lately, I have felt God making me more aware of that fact that not everything people do in their lives has His official stamp of approval. Oh, we like to put it there though don’t we?

How many times have we done something, said something, or behaved a certain way and thrown God’s stamp of approval on it knowing good and well He was probably shaking His head at us the entire time. I mean, come on. 

I have noticed a lot of “stamps of approval” lately that have been placed by human hands, not God’s. It upsets me, and it breaks my heart. Since when did we become so blind to the fact that if it isn’t in line with God’s Word then it does NOT get His stamp of approval? 

You can’t live with your significant other and have sex outside of marriage, and turn around and proclaim that God is in control of your life. No. God’s Word is very specific when talking about sex outside of marriage. Scripture tells to even flee from the very hint of sexual immorality. Shacking up with your significant other before marriage falls into this category. So, I am sorry, but God’s stamp of approval does not get placed on this. 

You can’t cuss and drink like a sailor, and then turn around and sing God’s praises. “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.” (James 3:10) “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery;” (Ephesians 5:18) God’s stamp of approval doesn’t get on this either. 

Divorcing your spouse because you “fell out of love,” or for any other reason other than abuse, adultery, or abandonment, and then saying that God is opening up a new door for you. No, God’s stamp of approval doesn’t get on this either. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)
I realize none of this is like swallowing sugar….more like salt. It’s not easy for me to type this. I am more of a warm and fuzzy kind of gal, with a side (ok, maybe an extra side) of sassiness. But it really breaks my heart that God’s name seems to be placed just about everywhere now. We like to think that if we include His name then everything will be ok. 

Look, I am a divorcee. I went through a divorce, and I know the pain that it brings. It’s not easy. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I won’t go into details of that chapter of my life (that’s another post), but I will share that it was a hard struggle for me. And I also know that divorce was never in God’s plan. Ever. God is not an advocate of divorce. Just like he’s not an advocate for shacking up, cursing, drunkenness, wrong behavior, nasty attitudes, lying, cheating, stealing, and the likes. 

Oh there is grace. His sweet wonderful grace. And we can have it at no cost to us, well let me take that back. His grace is freely given to us, but we do have to lay down our pride, self-centeredness, and our ego. We can make poor life choices and be forgiven. God doesn’t turn His back on us when we make decisions that don’t line up with His Word, but that doesn’t mean He approves of them either. So, maybe instead of putting His stamp of approval on it, we should strive to make better choices and seek His way. Maybe instead of looking at our poor choices and thinking to ourselves that God orchestrated the chain of events (you know, so we can feel better about ourselves), we should ask Him to show us His way apart from those poor choices. 

I am by no means perfect, and I don’t have everything figured out. God knows that, and I would never claim to be the girl who has it all together. Really, I am a broken soul in desperate need of my Savior everyday at every moment. I fail Him daily. I make poor choices. I hurt people. I don’t always have the best attitude. I can be snotty and plain out rude. I don’t always love my spouse like I should. I don’t always give my kids my best. And there are times when I try to put God’s stamp of approval on things I have done so that I can feel better. I confess. But that doesn’t mean it’s right. It doesn’t mean it’s ok. I cling to Jesus everyday because I know if I don’t, I will slip right back into the pit He rescued me from. And it’s a dark pit that I don’t ever want to return to. 

Friends, this post isn’t meant to be judgmental or cause you to have a pound of guilt strapped around your neck. And isn’t meant to make you feel bad about yourself. This post is as much for me as well. My prayer is that this post will cause all of us to take a good hard look at our life choices before we try to put God’s stamp of approval on them. And if they don’t line up with His Word, I pray that we wouldn’t try to force His stamp of approval on them. I pray that we would seek His way above our own way, even if it isn’t the easiest or most comfortable. I pray that we would rest in His grace, love, and mercy, and trust Him to always lead us in the right way. 

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:14)

Grace & Peace, Jac

He’s The Remedy


I am going to start this post off by getting the ugliness out of the way. I didn’t sleep very well last night, at all. I was having some pains that were making it difficult to get comfortable. At 1:30 am my eyes popped open, and I wrestled with myself to go back to sleep. There was no way I was going to get up and do anything at that time of the night (I mean, those days are long gone). I finally got myself back to sleep only to have my eyes pop open again at 3:40 am. Ugh. This time it was a combination of needing to go to the bathroom and Alaska (our husky mix pup…..she is almost 7 months old, so get a picture of Godzilla in your mind) whining at my feet. I got out of bed and headed straight to the bathroom. I thought I would figure out Alaska’s problem after I dealt with mine. Alaska surprised me as I came out of the bathroom. She was sick. Again, picture Godzilla being sick. At 3:40 am, this dog had to get to sick. Really? I mean, doesn’t she know people sleep at that time of the day? So, half awake I proceeded to clean up her mess, only to discover this wasn’t the first time she had been sick while I was getting my beauty rest. Seriously?!? After I got everything cleaned up, Alaska and I headed back to bed. My alarm woke both of us up at 6:30 am, and we started this cycle all over again. Alaska, this time, was escorted outside so that she could be sick to her heart’s content without having to worry about having to clean it up. (Yes, I do have a heart and I love my dog dearly. Don’t start thinking I am all Cruella Deville over here.) Let’s just say the spring in my step this morning hasn’t been very “springy.” More like a zombie walk where one foot just gets dragged along for the journey. 

It was finally time to take the kiddos to school. Austin, Kirstin, Princess (the Chihuahua), and myself loaded up in the car and headed to school. I felt like it was a David Crowder Band kind of morning, so I hooked up my iPhone and played a bit of the Remedy album and a bit of the Church Music album for our morning commute. God has such a way of speaking (or singing) into our lives at exactly the right moment and with exactly the right words. We tend to miss it at times, but this morning I heard Him loud and clear. As the music played my attention was perked when the song “Remedy” played (from the Remedy album). 

He is the one Who has saved us
He is the one Who forgave us

He is the one who has come 
And is coming again
He’s the remedy

Oh, I can’t comprehend
I can’t take it all in
Never understand
Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat
For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
He’s the remedy

 

I began thinking on how the worst of days cannot compare to the saving grace and saving power of Jesus. He is the remedy for it all. He comes in like the knight in shining armor and makes everything right. Not even a lack of sleep stands a chance against Him. 

Then, my attention was drawn again to the song “Shadows” (Church Music album), as I heard these words:

Life is full of light and shadow 
O the joy and O the sorrow 
O the sorrow 

And yet will He bring 
Dark to light 
And yet will He bring 
Day from night 

When shadows fall on us 
We will not fear 
We will remember 

When darkness falls on us 
We will not fear 
We will remember 

When all seems lost 
When we’re thrown and we’re tossed 
We remember the cost 
We rest in Him 
Shadow of the cross

 

Again, God was reminding me that He has me. Zombie walk and all. He has me in His hands, and He’s not letting me go. No matter if I am plagued with a lack of sleep, unexplained secondary infertility, not feeling good, and whatever other situation and circumstance I can find myself in, He has me. 

I can rest in the shadow of the cross, knowing that Jesus Christ is the remedy for it all. He makes all things new. ” See, I am making all things new.” (Revelation 21:5) He makes wrongs right. He turns darkness into light. He holds me safe in His arms despite the chaos that may surround me. He brings joy where there is pain and sorrow. He brings hope when it seems all hope is lost. He brings love where there seems to be none. He brings grace where there is shame. He is the remedy. There is nothing too great for Him. 

Come fall at His feet, He’s the remedy. He’s the remedy. 

Listen to Remedy here:http://youtu.be/4DPdWn7m3I0

Listen to Shadows here:http://youtu.be/7TF35CmGB4k

Something Beautiful


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Yesterday I had this picture in my mind as I listened to NEEDTOBREATHE’s song, “Something Beautiful.” I saw this picture in my mind, but the woman at the feet of Jesus was me. I was at His feet completely broken and sobbing, just in need of Him and His touch. As I listened to the song over and over again, I was consumed with His Presence. I could feel Him with me in my car as I listened. He was all around me. He was with me. 

This journey of infertility has been a difficult one, to say the least. It is not one of those journeys you expect to find yourself traveling. You don’t pack your backpack with everything you will need, put on some form of protectant cream, or even pack snacks to enjoy along the way. No, you just find yourself on the journey somehow. Unprepared. No protectant cream and no snacks. Some days the journey isn’t as hard to get through, while other days feel as if you are traveling through quicksand every step of the way. 

This song, “Something Beautiful,” spoke to me yesterday as I was driving. And I found myself having a spiritual experience with every word. 

 

In your ocean, I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin’ on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
But I can’t figure out, yeah I can’t figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin’ quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this
I wouldn’t stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won’t have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful 

It’s amazing to me how God uses the littlest things to speak volumes into our lives. There in my car, through a song, He spoke to me. He touched me. He assured me that despite this difficult journey, He’s got me. He loves me. He adores me. And He knows my brokenness, my hurt, my sorrow, and my desire. There in my car, I was somehow at His feet. I was reaching out to Him as He was reaching out to me. There in my car, He reminded me I am His beloved no matter if I find myself in a valley or on a mountain top. 

And as I continue to walk this journey for who knows how much longer ( I pray I do not have to wait till I am as old as Sarah or Elizabeth, Lord. Please.), I will continue falling at His feet singing, 

Hey now, this is my desire Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful To touch me, I know that I’m in reach ‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful Oh, something beautiful

 

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I Am Spoiled


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As I was preparing the coffee pot this evening for mine and Brian’s evening cup of coffee, I got to thinking about how over the years I have been accused of growing up a spoiled little rich girl. Yea, for some reason some people have actually been offended by my aspirations to better myself, get an education, and live a certain lifestyle. I will admit, this usually makes me pretty defensive. But this evening, I began thinking about it a bit more. I am going to take it as the Lord opening my eyes to how “spoiled” and “rich” I really was growing up, and still am.

I grew up with loving parents who provided a roof over my head, clothes for me to wear, and food for me to eat. My parents taught me manners and proper social etiquette. I was raised to believe in Jesus Christ, and taught Christian values and morals. (I may not have always followed them as a teenager, but I came back to them when I woke up from my selfishness.) My parents never let me do without the things I needed (there is a difference in what we want and what we need). I didn’t get a horse, a brand new car, or every thing I thought I just had to had. My curfew was earlier than most of my friends, and I wasn’t allowed to watch certain shows.

So yea, I would say I was pretty “spoiled” and “rich” growing up. Probably not in the way that the world deems spoiled and rich, but I was spoiled with LOVE. I was rich because of the upbringing I had. My parents never gave me a reason to question whether or not they loved me or wanted me. I was cared for, loved on, and nurtured in the best way. I was brought up knowing the love of the Father, how important faith is, and that our hope is found in Jesus.

And now, well, I am still spoiled and rich. I still have faith, hope, and love. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes to wear, and a family who loves me. I may not have the wealth of Bill Gates or the fame of Taylor Swift. But I have a God who loves me more than I can comprehend, and He has blessed me beyond measure.

So yea, I guess you can say I am still a spoiled little rich girl. 🙂

Weaknesses Are the Key


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As I was doing my morning study of Gideon today it was hard for me to hang on to layers that God was peeling away from me. This study has been causing me to come face-to-face with things about myself that either I have tried desperately not to see, or I have just been so out of touch with my Christian walk lately that I couldn’t see them. Either way, God is doing a work on me as I mentioned in my previous post. It’s a hard work to go through, but at the same time it is a sweet season.

Isn’t that how God is though? He loves us enough to take us as we are, but He will never leave us as we were first were. This is true for every season of our life that we find ourself in as well. Who you were when Christ first drew you to Himself is not who you were a year after that, or even 3 months from that. Who you are today is not the same person you were yesterday or last year. God is continually doing a good work within us. We just fail to recognize that at times. And this is the truth that God brought to my attention today.

You see, I have been so focused on my weaknesses in my life that I forgot all about God’s goodness. Oh sure, I had the head knowledge of His goodness, but lately my heart has had trouble acknowledging His goodness. So this morning as I was faced with the statement from Priscilla Shirer, “Our weakness is the key to unlocking the favor of God in our lives,” and then left to ponder the question, “What is your 300” (reference the number of men Gideon had in his army to face the Midianites), I was broken to the core. God got through to me, and I couldn’t hold onto the layers He was desperately wanting to peel away from me. I had to acknowledge that it is through my weaknesses that HE is made strong. His grace IS sufficient for me. My weaknesses are not necessarily a bad thing, as I have been viewing them. They are the very thing that drives me to HIM. Without weaknesses, how could God’s power be revealed through us?

I thought I would share some of my “300” with you. Not as a way to boast or as a way to get you to feel sorry for me, but as a way to be transparent with you and show you that I struggle too. Also, by sharing my “300” I hope it encourages you to be honest with yourself and face your own “300,” but not in a negative way. Face them with the thought that these things are what is going to bring about God’s favor in your life.

My “300”:
1. Secondary Infertility
2. Insecurity
3. My Past
4. Finances
5. Being a good Wife
6. Being a good Mother
7. Being successful in my business

These are all areas that I struggle with. Not necessarily in the fact that I think I am awful in some of the areas, but I do have my doubts that creep in from time to time. There are times in these areas where I go into panic mode and lose sight of God’s goodness, and I try to take full control. BUT GOD. Today He has reminded me that as long as I try to control everything, His power cannot be revealed.

Friends, God will take the “300” in your life, in my life, and use it to bring about some of the greatest blessings. We cannot even begin to truly comprehend His complete goodness, but we can start to acknowledge it. We can let go of our weaknesses and stop trying to do everything ourselves, and just give it over to Him. I am convinced that if we want to see true victory in our lives, if we want to see God’s power displayed in our lives, then our weaknesses are the key to do that.

Grace & Peace, Jaclyn

Sweet Season


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Do you ever feel like God is doing something in you, but you just can’t quite put your finger on it? That is how I am feeling lately. I can sense God doing something, working within me. But if you were to ask me to explain it, I couldn’t put into words adequately.

I started Priscilla Shirer’s study Gideon a couple of weeks ago, and God has been using it to speak right to my heart. I started out thinking I was only going to prepare to lead this study and that God was going to use it to touch other women’s hearts. But God. Oh, those two simple words. How they change everything. God has been peeling back the layers of my heart with every lesson. He is doing a work within me right now, & it is a much needed work friends.

I will be honest and share with you that my walk hasn’t been as close as it should be, but He is changing that. He is bringing me back to Him. He is revealing to me & reminding me of His great purpose. He is reminding me of His calling on my life. And it is oh so sweet. I cannot wait to share with you along the way friends. This season of my life is one where my Almighty Father is drawing me into himself & allowing me to taste yet again that He is good. He is showing me that I am not much different than the insecure fearful Gideon, whom God chose to use to do great things. This is a sweet season.

Taste & see that The Lord is good. ~Psalm 34:8

Getting to Repent


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I am currently reading the the She Reads Truth devotion plan on prayer, and this morning’s devotion was on prayers of confession and repentance. Let’s be honest and go ahead and get it out in the open, this is probably one of the least favorite prayers of anyone. We have to come face to face with the sin in our lives and lay it before our Heavenly Father (who, by the way, already knows). Not something that would seem enjoyable for the most part.

As I was reading a thought occurred to me after a certain passage:

“Like all the other beautiful parts of sanctification, our Father has given us wisdom regarding confession and repentance so that we can grow closer to Him and one another. It’s not a have to, it’s a get to.”

Did you get that last statement? It’s the statement that grabbed a hold of me this morning. Confession and repentance is not something we HAVE to do. It something we GET to do through God’s grace. God doesn’t require anyone to confess and repent. He allows us to confess and repent so that we can enter into a relationship with Him.

I thought about how growing up in church, I have always heard it said, “If you want Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you MUST confess your sins and repent.” But hold up. I don’t have to. God doesn’t make me do anything. He’s not like that. God has given me free will to choose Him. To choose to love Him, to serve Him, to follow Him. He doesn’t make me do it.. So, if He doesn’t make me do those things, then He doesn’t make me confess and repent.. He allows me to do that, so that I can be made new and have a relationship with Him. Why? Because He loves me.

God is not a forceful God. He desires that all will be saved and follow Him, so that they might have life to the fullest. And that is why He allows us to confess and repent. We GET to confess and repent, so that we can have a relationship with our Heavenly Father. It is our choice. Our decision. Out of our own desire. What an awesome God we serve.

Grace & Peace, Jac

Awake My Soul


Awake my Soul by Chris Tomlin

This song has been speaking to me a lot lately. You see I was once the dry bones. I was once without life. Without hope. Without light. I was in desperate need of the Father’s love & life.

I lived my life as a teenager in total opposite of what I have been taught. I went to church. I was part of the youth group. I believed in God. But all of that wasn’t enough to make me a disciple of Jesus Christ. It wasn’t enough to just go through the motions.

I partied. I hung out with the wrong crowd. I did things I shutter at the thought of today. I had not a single care in the world. Was it that my parents didn’t love me enough? No. Was it that I didn’t know right from wrong. No. Was it that my parents didn’t care? No. It came down to one word: REBELLION. I was living a life of rebellion. Rebellion against my parents. Rebellion against everything I had been taught. And rebellion against God.

I was in a dark place. I was in a barren place. A place without life or hope. I was the dry bones in the dry valley. Did I realize that at the time? Not for one moment. It wasn’t until I became an adult, that my eyes were opened to the fact that I was a walking skeleton. I realized my desperate need for God. I needed my Savior. I needed Him to speak life into me.

The girl that was once the dry bones is only a memory to me now. I feel for her. I see her pain now. I see her emptiness. She has allowed me to see though, that there area my other people just like her. Walking skeletons without a clue of how much they are in need of the Savior’s love.

I am alive in Christ now. I am no longer the walking skeleton. The breathe of God swept over me & He spoke life into me. I get chills just thinking about how
much He loves me. And I can’t help but picture myself at His feet thanking Him as I weep for joy, for speaking life into me. He has redeemed me. He can redeem you.

I know He has called me to share His great love with others. My story has purpose for Him. My passion for health & fitness is not the only passion He has given me. I have a passion to speak into lives & share the love of Christ with as many as possible.

My friend, I pray today that you will awake to His great love for you & to your desperate need of Him. He loves you with a crazy limitless love. And He is waiting to speak life into you. May He resurrect your dry bones today.

Grace & Peace, Jaclyn

<I would love to pray for you in any way I can.

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