I have had some moments lately. Moments where I want to ask Jesus to step aside and let me handle the situation. Moments where I have wanted to put on my boxing gloves and ask to be put in the ring. Moments where I wanted to say, “Hang on a minute. Let me take my earrings off,” and push up my sleeves prepared to fight.
Yes, all 5 foot 2 inches (go with me here, my drivers license informs me I am actually this tall) me can be a bit of a spit-fire. I have it in me to stand as tall as I can and try to take on whatever it is that is coming against me or my family. Speak with my brother or parents and they will tell you Jac is feisty and fierce when backed into a corner.
But I have also been reminded that it’s not my place to take things into my own hands. I am not supposed to handle the situation on my own. I don’t have to snatch my earrings out and push my sleeves up. My God has it all under control.
As a pastor and a pastor’s wife this can be difficult to do at times. Trusting God to take care of it all can be difficult period because our flesh wants control of it all. But in ministry, letting it go and trusting that God has a plan and a purpose even during the difficult valleys can be challenging. That sounds crazy I know. I mean, I am in ministry. What could possibly go wrong or be difficult about walking in the calling God has given you? Dude, it’s intense. Ministry is not for the weak at heart. It is not all gummy bears, rainbows, and butterflies. Sure Noah received a dove, but only after 40 days and 40 nights of what I am guessing felt like a nightmare.
I get asked about my thoughts on being a pastor and being a pastor’s wife, as well as what it is like planting/starting a church. All of these are exciting and scary all at the same time. God has called Brian and I into an adventure with Him. And it’s an adventure that can be what feels like a nightmare at times and an adventure that feels like the sweetest dream. But either way it is exactly what God has called us to. I will stand by my husband as he walks in obedience with God and what God is leading him to do. I will walk in obedience to what God leads me to do. I will choose the adventure over pleasing everybody else. I will choose Jesus over having everyone like me. I will choose Jesus over skipping over the difficult times.
This is what I have to remind myself of when I have my “moments.” You see, if I allowed every little bump in the road to sway me one way or the other, how could I truly follow Jesus? How could I walk in obedience with Him if I allow my ears to be tickled by everything? I couldn’t, and I don’t want to risk not walking in obedience with Him.
I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I won’t be the most popular person amongst certain circles. I won’t always be thought highly of. And I am choosing to be ok with that. Why? Because I am always Jesus’ cup of tea. He always loves me and values me. And He has called me to the front lines to help spread His Kingdom. And that is what I plan to do.