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Archive for the tag “pastor wife”

Confessions and Questions of a Pastor’s Wife


only king forever

Lately I have been feeling as if there is something more to what we call worship. There is something more than what we stuff inside of our Sunday morning box. There is something more than traditions that have been passed on from generation to generation. There is something more than what a certain denomination instructs us.

I am part of the United Methodist Church, and I was born and raised in a traditional United Methodist Church. It’s all I really know in regards to denominations. I was baptized as an infant, brought up in the children’s and youth ministries, and even worked as a Youth Minister in my hometown United Methodist Church before marrying and moving from that town. I am still connected with the United Methodist Church, but am now part of a contemporary UMC.

I share all of that to say, that lately I have been feeling a suffocated in this denomination. Not at all in my faith, just in the boundaries of this particular denomination. I feel as if somewhere along the way tradition, handbooks, and old mindsets have put it at sort of a standstill. It has become stiff. It leaves me searching for the life, the passion, the complete surrendered worship of Jesus.

Have we become so concerned with the way things have always been done, the business side of things, and handbooks that we have failed to be a holy and set apart people who have hearts that are bursting with worship of our Lord and Savior? Have we become a people more concerned with titles, roles, and committees that we have neglected the very reason the church exists? What happened to focusing on Jesus more than focusing on whose permission is needed to approve changes in the building? What purpose does a church bulletin serve in the actual worship of God? Does having a certain title or holding a certain position make our faith stronger? Do any of these things make me “Christian?”

My questions could go on and on, but that would probably take up a lot of space and therefore turn this blog post into a novel. My point in all of this is to say that my heart is yearning to just worship Jesus with no limits. I don’t want to be a stiff follower of Jesus. I want to be a WILD one! Yes, you read that correctly. I want my worship to be wild just like His love for me. I want to focus more on developing and growing my relationship with Jesus than on creating another committee. I want people to see Jesus shining through me.

My feelings can’t all be put into words at this moment, but I know that God is stirring my heart in this matter. He is calling me to more. He is calling all of us to more. We should want more.

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I’m on an Adventure


I have had some moments lately. Moments where I want to ask Jesus to step aside and let me handle the situation. Moments where I have wanted to put on my boxing gloves and ask to be put in the ring. Moments where I wanted to say, “Hang on a minute. Let me take my earrings off,” and push up my sleeves prepared to fight.

Yes, all 5 foot 2 inches (go with me here, my drivers license informs me I am actually this tall) me can be a bit of a spit-fire. I have it in me to stand as tall as I can and try to take on whatever it is that is coming against me or my family. Speak with my brother or parents and they will tell you Jac is feisty and fierce when backed into a corner.

But I have also been reminded that it’s not my place to take things into my own hands. I am not supposed to handle the situation on my own. I don’t have to snatch my earrings out and push my sleeves up. My God has it all under control.

As a pastor and a pastor’s wife this can be difficult to do at times. Trusting God to take care of it all can be difficult period because our flesh wants control of it all. But in ministry, letting it go and trusting that God has a plan and a purpose even during the difficult valleys can be challenging. That sounds crazy I know. I mean, I am in ministry. What could possibly go wrong or be difficult about walking in the calling God has given you? Dude, it’s intense. Ministry is not for the weak at heart. It is not all gummy bears, rainbows, and butterflies. Sure Noah received a dove, but only after 40 days and 40 nights of what I am guessing felt like a nightmare.

I get asked about my thoughts on being a pastor and being a pastor’s wife, as well as what it is like planting/starting a church. All of these are exciting and scary all at the same time. God has called Brian and I into an adventure with Him. And it’s an adventure that can be what feels like a nightmare at times and an adventure that feels like the sweetest dream. But either way it is exactly what God has called us to. I will stand by my husband as he walks in obedience with God and what God is leading him to do. I will walk in obedience to what God leads me to do. I will choose the adventure over pleasing everybody else. I will choose Jesus over having everyone like me. I will choose Jesus over skipping over the difficult times.

This is what I have to remind myself of when I have my “moments.” You see, if I allowed every little bump in the road to sway me one way or the other, how could I truly follow Jesus? How could I walk in obedience with Him if I allow my ears to be tickled by everything? I couldn’t, and I don’t want to risk not walking in obedience with Him.

I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I won’t be the most popular person amongst certain circles. I won’t always be thought highly of. And I am choosing to be ok with that. Why? Because I am always Jesus’ cup of tea. He always loves me and values me. And He has called me to the front lines to help spread His Kingdom. And that is what I plan to do.

Joshua-1-9

God Is Close to the Brokenhearted


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This morning as I was driving in my car I had Jesus Culture playing. I usually have some worship album playing in the morning to set the tone for the day. And Jesus Culture is one of my favorite worship bands. The song playing as I drove was “Heaven is Here,” and the words seemed to just be a bit louder this morning. They seemed to stick a bit more than any of the other times I have listened to this song.

Here are the lyrics:

We won’t stop crying out to Him
Cause He hears us everytime
Yeah He hears us everytime

We won’t stop pouring out our love to Him
Cause He loves us everytime
Yeah He loves us everytime

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you

We won’t stop going out to Him
Cause He meets us everytime
Yeah He meets us everytime

We won’t stop living only for Him
Cause He’s faithful everytime
Yeah He’s faithful everytime

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to God
Shake up eternal signs

Cause heaven is hear now
He’s all around us
Heaven is Jesus
It’s the moment we meet

Wake up, the normal life
You can do what ever You want to
Shake up eternal signs
Because we want you 

These words really were echoing in my head, “We won’t stop crying out to Him cause He hears us every time…We won’t stop pouring out our love for Him, cause He loves us every time…We won’t stop going out to Him, cause He meets us every time…We won’t stop living only for Him, cause He’s faithful every time.”

This morning my heart was breaking, as it is another month of not being pregnant (if you haven’t followed my journey up till now, check out my past posts in regards to infertility and my faith). Another month of feeling defeated and crushed. Another month of feeling as if the enemy was doing a victory dance on top of my head and laughing the whole time, as I sobbed on the inside and then began sobbing on the outside.

BUT GOD. God knew all of this even before I woke this morning. He knew how my heart would break. He knew the defeat I would feel. He knew the lies the enemy would feed me. And He knew He would be there for me no matter how crushed I was. And He chose to speak to me through a song. He chose to remind me of His faithfulness, His love, His strength, and His hope. He wrapped His arms around me as my mind began whirling in a hundred different directions. As the questions began coming like a freight train. As insecurity and doubt began creeping in. As the enemy began throwing his fiery darts at me, my God became my shield and my fortress and my comfort. As He ALWAYS is.

Once the song ended and another song began to play, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Choose joy.” I sat in my car and began saying that to myself…”Choose joy, Jaclyn. Choose joy.” I firmly believe that one of the enemy’s biggest weapons against us is our own feelings. He was trying his best to get me to sink into a dark place this morning, and just like the faithful Father that He is, God showed up and began speaking life into me.

Am I still brokenhearted that I have no celebratory news of a little Turner this month? Yes, but I know that my God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3) and “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). So I can keep crying out to Him, because I know He DOES hear me every time. I can continue pouring out my love for Him, because He DOES love me every time. I can go out to Him, because He WILL meet me every time. And I can continue living only for Him, because He is FOREVER faithful. The enemy is a liar. My God is my everything, and I will praise Him despite my feelings. I will praise Him even if I have questions. I will praise Him simply because He is The Great I Am, and I know He loves me more than I can ever fully understand.

My friend, I have no idea what you may be experiencing or what lies the enemy might be telling you, but what I do know that God will never fail you. He will always be there for you, and He will always be your shield. Drive into Him even if you don’t understand. Drive into Him even if you can’t feel Him. Drive into Him even if you can’t see Him. He is there. I promise you that.

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